Time & Time Again
Over the past two years I’ve noticed myself becoming passionately strict about my time. Even more specifically, if I’m being honest with myself, being selfish of my time and where it’s used. I’ve distanced myself or cut people out of my life who disrespected my time. Saying this publicly sounds harsh, but it’s what I’ve had to do for myself. I want to spend time with those who I can relate to, enjoy myself and produce enjoyable conversation of substance. Through life experiences I’ve grown tired and frustrated with those who often cause miscommunication, constant tardiness or one way street relationships. I’ve found these feelings becoming even more relevant as my schedule was at its fullest earlier this year.
For almost a year I was working a retail job part time, interning part time, and in college part time. Racing from one thing to next during this stage in my life, I was at my best mental state. Yes, sometimes things piled up and I felt it was all too much and had my occasional good cry, but I was the most productive I ever have been. However, the flaws within myself during this time are still following me today. While I was productive and fast paced, I was and am continuing to wish my life away. My whole life I have chased towards checkpoints. As a kid it was mostly significant birthdays. My 13th came, then 16th, then 18th, then 20th and then now just this year my 21st. I do not want to project within this that I feel I have ran out of checkpoints because I don’t think I ever will. I’ve always been one to prepare for my future the best I can and be ready for my next step.
While I’ve chose to make my life colorful and surround myself with wonderful people who I hold close to my heart, I wouldn’t have these memories or people I love most without going through what I have. I have big changes coming up that I know will bring new people but new challenges as well. This December I will be graduating with my Associates in Arts. After that and through the new year I will be job hunting for a full time job that brings me the means to take more vigorous steps into the adult world. I’m desperate for change that will come with this next chapter but I’m also terrified. I’m terrified because of all the changes I can't control. I’m holding onto hope that God will lead me to my first full time job where I can grow within the company as well as be an asset for them. While I’m nervous for all of these upcoming changes I can’t help but be a little curious in an excited way of where I’ll end up next. But as my flaws interfere, I also can't help but wish this period of worrying would go by faster. The faster things go by for me the less painful or worrisome the change seems to be. I want to fast forward to my desk wherever I end up. Answering phone calls and taking on tasks knowing exactly what to do because I’ve already learned it all. Ha! Wouldn’t that be nice?
As I bring this moment and piece of my mind to a close, I’m encouraging myself as well as anyone else in this stage of life to not wish it all away. This has become a bad habit of mine and I want to change it. It’s funny how I am strict when my time is taken by a person or institution, but when it comes to myself there’s no lee way at all. I just wish it away. I need and want to change this about myself. I want to absorb my life changes, lessons, and accomplishments that I know are close within my reach.
As Luke’s sister Liz from Gilmore Girls once said. “Come what may.”
The day Joe and I did this photo shoot we were also in Greenville for the Euro Auto Festival! He goes to this every year so I found it super special he wanted to share the experience with me! I don’t know much about cars, but I love looking at them. Especially the older vintage cars. This green one spoke to me. Also I wanted to show off this body suit without the jacket on! ;)
Thanks for reading whats been on my heart lately and viewing my last fashion creation,
Lady In Thought